The Confession Of A Clueless Mom

I never did think how motherhood would change me because I never did ventured into the areana. I didn't because I didn't feel ready before. Not that anyone could be totally ready but I am really clueless about child rearing. And the truth be told, I feel lack and didn't think I could do a good job. I only know that my child will love me because I am fun loving. And that I am also child-like, and that I am free-from-judgement, and that I have a lot of love to give.

Of course I still have lots to learn and am such a wisecracker who is so full-of-herself sometimes.
But as I became older, I think I became wiser. (I sure hope so!)
And so, I decided to take life in stride and be as good a mother I can be.

For the first time today, my baby loved me back.
It was so subtle, initially I wasn't sure.
I woke up in the morning and she was out to the beach with the daddy.
When she came home, she let me carry her.
And then she leaned her forehead to mine. Sideways.
I didn't realise it at first and continued to hold her the normal, upright way.
Then she leaned her head to my chest.
Oh, she's loving me back.
Cos I had been coming home late and worked late the night before, she must have missed the nightly playtime we have.

"Kiki, you miss your mama huh?" my helper teased her.

I once read that the only persons you would not get jealous of when they excel you is those of your own children. I do not know what to make of it because I forgot how jealousy feels like. But I sure want to have my child excel me in every way.

I always remind myself to take a step back and have a cool view.
When the heat is on at work, my neck gets painful and shoulders stiff.
I get the adrenaline rush when I complete my tasks at work and it is satisfying but I've come to realise that it is unhealthy for me to have that unconscious relationship (with work).
Work in Singapore typically takes up more than half of one's day, more than half of one's life and more than half of one's mind. So, I must bear in mind that there's life after work.
Go, read a book or catch up with a friend. Go, home to your baby and play with her.
Go, do some dancing or catch a movie. Go, get a balance of your life. Get a balance of your mind.

Because as Adeline once told me; "A happy baby needs a happy mom".

And so it is.