We are doing okay although sometimes I could be a little harsh.
Like when she wakes up in the morning feeling grouchy, wanting another minute to laze in bed, I said to get up and not pout. To smile and say Good Morning, Mommy. I said everyone wants to laze in bed. I said to be happy to have woken up because some people never do.
But mostly we're fine. We're happy to get to school and get to work. Recently we are more fine. Because I've made a conscious effort to be extraordinary patient, positive and keep my cool. And that is paying off. In fact in the course of the day, I would repeat the phrase- "Be Kind" in my head. Be kind to myself, be kind to others, be kind to my kids, be kind to my husband, be kind to my helper. Only once or twice I got fired up the wrong way but that's a vast improvement from just two months ago. This has to do with a particular meltdown that Kiki had. That episode came after my conscious effort to relax, hence I was quite disturbed at the intensity of her meltdown and realised that it was my doing. She and Colin were exchanging licks and bites from their lollipop & Chupa Chups while mindlessly watching TV one Sunday morning when we heard Colin screaming & wailing that his sister had taken the last bite off his Chupa Chups, leaving him with the bare, straw stick. Both Bren & I rushed to the scene, upon hearing from Colin, we both rained lectures on Kiki. We both said that we must always leave the last bite to the "owner" of the item, be it an ice cream, a candy or a Chupa Chups. I said it is only courteous. Kiki burst into tears, half explaining that they took turns and it was Colin who had offered her the last, tiny bit. I couldn't hear of it and forcefully challenged how she would feel if I were to finish up her lollipop. She was so worked up, she said she wouldn't mind if the last bite was my turn. To her, the rule about taking turns is the running rule and would supersede the rule about having the last bite. I didn't let up, further challenged her that she didn't know what she was saying. She got even madder than me and shoved the lollipop into my lips. Almost. It was all happening so intensely, with the candy in hand, between tears and sobs, she vigorously thrust the candy into my face, almost touching my face. That was when I woke up. Not woke up from a dream, it wasn't a dream. Woke up as in suddenly I asked myself what am I driving at. Here am I saying I would be violent no more, and here am I getting into a fight with my daughter. Over a social rule that I forced upon her. She was very sure that she wouldn't have minded if Colin took the last bite IF IT WAS HIS TURN. To her, the deal was taking turns. And my rule was to be courteous. At what cost? A meltdown.
Luckily I took 20 seconds and a breath to realise this. Imparting to her a value at this moment with such intensity is not the right moment. Furthermore, she really didn't mind if I were to eat up her lollipop if it were to be my turn to bite the last bit. So what's the value of my moral?
I embraced her and held her so that she would calm down. And she felt that I sincerely didn't want to fight. So she calmed down.
As for Colin, he was happy to get another piece of Chocolate and soon forgot about the Chupa Chups. We explained to him that next time, just save the last bite for himself (if it matters so much).
Yap. So that was the incident that serves as a reminder to me that -- For what's it's worth, it's not worth straining her mental health and our emotional relationship. So the healing began.
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Within the course of the first term in P1, there were two occasions she told me that the children were screaming and shouting with joy. The first was during the CNY celebration at the school's hall. She said the whole hall of children were cheering, laughing, shouting and screaming, and that it was so much fun just to watch the whole hall of children screaming. I often wonder what kind of outlet is that for our school going children, screaming with joy. I think perhaps that's similar to fanatics screaming upon meeting their favourite Rock Band or their Mega Idol or something like that. Or that you're dancing at the pub and then the DJ spun your favourite song or something like that.
The second occasion was at her Show & Tell segment. She was initially nervous because we didn't prepare a script until the night before the Show & Tell. Not that I had forgotten but we had agreed that she would just speak freely without a script. But her classmates before her all had scripts so she became worried about not having a script. So silly but I couldn't convince her at 10pm at night, so we scribbled a script on the origins of The Little Lady harmonica, which she was presenting as a favourite toy. She said the class were roaring and asked her to play a tune, in turn, she played Twinkle and her friends cheered even louder. They were all intrigued by a miniature instrument, just like I had been.
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Lastly, we did well for our term 1 tests, mainly because the tests were easy I guess. The area that cost us five marks was the Chinese Oral. If not for Oral, she would have gotten full marks for the entire Chinese subject. I don't think we would ever speak in accurate tones 100%, so that's quite disappointing to realise that we may never ever get 100% for Chinese despite having written well or comprehend well. Anyway. Let it go.
As for Math & English, she had one sum wrong on each subject and I consider that a feat, having just started school for 9 weeks.
All she wants as a "reward" is to go to the music camp this March holiday. We've signed up for just one day of the two-day camp because the following day, she's joining Colin and the childcare, going on a beach excursion. Three days lined up for the one week holiday next week =) On Monday, Colin will join Kiki's friends on an informal gathering at a indoor playground. Looks like the two of them will have quite a few common friends. I guess that's one of the perks of smaller age gap. Common friends it is.
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