Life's Great!

Finally had the chance to visit Adrian at the Lagoon.
Happy to see Bren's old, old friend. The last time we met was some 16 years ago!

                                                       A non-spicy version of Mala

Movers

My sis single-handedly organized house selling, house buying, house renovation, house moving. What a remarkable feat.  I might have gone crazy. LOL.

Thank you & Goodbye 

 An old estate but it's my sis' new home 

Again, an old car but it's my sis' new car =) 

Weekend

Work day is just plain busy, tensed, doing quotations, calling, processing orders, etc, hours on ends.
I have uninstalled email app so that I won't have the tendency to check my work emails over the weekends or after office hours. But I had a dream (stress triggered I suppose) about work.
Nevertheless, I'd treat it as a final purge and shall leave work at its door.

Saturday

View from my Sis' "new" flat. New to us, just not a new estate.

I am very glad my Sis & Mom will be living so close by. As good as living together literally.
Just imagine we have a Home together, just separate rooms.

Went to fix Colin's iPad mini
Yeah, it works now.

I have not chatted on the phone for this long since school days
2 hours?

 Rosemary Ham Sandwich

 He asked if I would buy the Chocolate that starts with a "L"
He says he doesn't know how to read it because the word is in Cursive.

Colin loves Kiwi
I bought him the Golden ones because they are less biting.

 Made a new pair of Glasses because I had lost her pair.
Anyway, it was due for change.

2018 recap

Goodbye 2018

I have not got the chance to do a recap for 2018 like I would always do during year end. 

Was busy doing my work the whole day and then with last minute bookings for tomorrow's short trip with Kiki.   

2018 had been quite an eventful year; both in a bad and good way, however, it is all well now and personally, I am so glad to be alive and am looking forward to 2019 where my Sis & my Mom will be moving closer to us. They will live at the block just across the car park from us, literally just 5 mins away from us. 

I am learning every day to let go of "stories"-- of how things ought to be, could have been or should have been. I am learning to trust myself and to interact even more with people & the universe.  

Moving on to happier lives, all of us.

On a even more personal note, I say - Never say never. 

Bren & I have somewhat rebuilt our relationship, which is something I thought never could happen. 

So, in short-- Yay! 

Goodbye, Touchy.

Goodbye, Touchy........... we will miss you.
Your offspring will not smell like you.
Thank you for the years of comfort, snuggles and hugs.

Blighted Ovum

(Emotions processing over the past week, not conclusive, just passing, running, emotions. well, because healing is in progress)

Okay, so I get to do at least one entry about how I feel over the episode of my sis' annulled marriage right?  From the time they've dated (2012) till now that they've ended (2018) I reserve the right to express my grief over this, given the level of complexity I've felt.  I need to say something in order to process and leave this in the pensive bowl. It is over and the sun will still rise tomorrow but the hurt has to wane, we can't go around with an injury, it is not healthy. 

From the time they were dating, I had a dream episode. I do not know why, I do not ask for these but it has become clear to me now, the fact that I get epic dreams that may have been messages or warnings, alas I am not really equipped to interpret my dreams. Worse still, I interpret them wrongly. 

But I also do not wish to be too entangled with mystics, we still are here in the flesh aren't we?  So, live it. So, long story short-- In my dream (that was in 2012) a gang of gangsters had kidnapped my sis. Me and her then BF were frantically running around town, like in a treasure hunt over the island, getting hidden messages left by the kidnappers, clues and quiz to solve in order to get nearer to the location where she was being held. Time was running out and we were desperate, we decided to hunt separately. Finally, the kidnappers gave me another clue, I reassembled with her BF and told him the clue. He was very calm and said to me that "he knows what to do". Shortly after, I found my sis but she was inconsolable, crying until her body dropped to the floor. It appeared that her BF had jumped off the building as the message was for him to pay his debts by death, in exchange for the release of my sis. (end of dream). I woke up exhausted, shocked, and very confused. I had thought that the message was "self-sacrifice", which I took it as a message to say that he would do "anything" for her.  (OMG, in real life, I couldn't be more wrong! gosh, the only time he called me up on the phone was to have me influence my sis to part with him, he said if not, he might throw her out from the windows of their flat, along with himself. He made that threat twice during the phone conversation. There is no mistake about it, that was why I evacuated my sis that same night. I could not risk a threat that had been emphasized.) So I guess the dream message was telling me about the distraught part. About her going through the loss and distraught. Anyway, mystics aside, we still have to go through this, won't we?

So anyway, I don't wish to revisit the hurt, I am trying to find a way to carry on, hopefully without any post traumatic stress disorder. So anyway, finally today I had another realization. The marriage was like a "false positive" pregnancy. So that's also a little sad but at least when I see it clinically, the hurt could be transferred. Then came another realization. It's also like "Blighted Ovum" pregnancy. Having an ovum that attached to the uterus, was beginning to look like a real pregnancy but it did not develop into a fetus. The removal of the ovum or purging (miscarriage) is painful. 

So, if I look at it this way, I think we can start to heal. Because it was not meant to be. 

As much as we had all, and I mean all of us, at one point or another, lived that short-live moment.

(watched "The Good Wife" season 7 today)

Year of Heartbreak - 2017

Normally, I'll write a year-end closing post. Some kind of reflection for the year that's ending. 

But last year I skipped that because I didn't want to put much attention onto a year's end. I thought to just let it be seamless because it is just another day. But no, my psyche still needs to have starts and ends. If not I might as well be a machine. However, I do not plan what to write, I just type whatever's on my mind. But I try to be mindful to be responsible for the energy I bring to anywhere, including online. But you will have to realize that running thoughts are nothing but running. They come and go, while they are real at real-time, they are dynamic and have lives of their own. It is the same with anything because things are fluid. 

2017 had been a heart-breaking year because my sis and her ex-husband had separated. 

I am not able to talk about it because tears will fill my eyes. Including now as I type. 

Of all the things that had gone right and all the things that had gone awry, I think, mostly things went awry long ago but we had never, in a million years, saw this coming. 

It's like having your last breath knocked out. 

It hurts like hell.

So, whatever the case, we still have to deal with the aftermath. At this point in time, we are in hiding.  We have been in hiding for a few months now. We do not want to break the bad news before CNY as we do not want to deal with responses and questions because I think, we are unable to deal with them. So, for now, we are just laying low and intentionally being absent.

We will do our best to get over this. But it takes time. 

So that is one large part of my life that is in pain. 

Hopefully, our hearts will become whole again. 

On a lighter note, Happy New Year. 

Today is a great day because I have finally cleared my credit bills. 

It's like having checked-out from the drug rehab center, feeling clean but lost. 

Because I will have to start over. 

Little by little, I will have to rebuild my bank account to a level I feel safe. 

To think about it is rather daunting, like an insurmountable goal. 

To plan the stuff I wanna do is also so discouraging. Because it looked like it will take a long while. 

So, I don't wanna think anymore. Well, at least for the time being just take a break, and celebrate that I'm on a clean slate. So, Happy New Year ya. 

So, now, what's brewing?

Nothing much. 

I have finally reached the level where I genuinely care nothing for the antics of office politics. (cross my heart). I see a Circles playing on and while I feel sad for their state of insecurity, I am even more sadden to see that great lengths went into plotting. I do not have the capabilities to affect them positively. So, the only thing left for me to do is to carry on doing my part, for the company, for myself, just stay focused because doing proper work will already take up much energy, so use my energy wisely. 2018 will be a busy year. 

So, my dear friends, I leave you with nothing but good wishes. 

Thanks for sticking it out with me. 

K2 Graduation 2017

The children put up a fantastic performance, all of them-- from N2 to K2. They were focused and serious in carrying out their performances. As their school's Principal has theatrical & stage performing background, the children in this school were impeccable with their act and articulated like little professional performers. I was surprised that Colin spoke even better than his usual self..... he should be doing this more often! Such hard to pronounce & lengthy words, he spoke so clearly. What a joy to watch them. 

We are graduating from the school, at the same time, the Principal is retiring, so much tears when they sang her a farewell song. I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye, I was afraid I might cry more than her (LOL). So I texted her afterwards instead.

(refusing to look at the camera) why?

Year end Countdown

Although I'm inclined to stay home, I make an effort to be less dull so that the kids get some exposure as to what Party Revelers are like, so that they could have a spectrum of activities for themselves when they grow older.

Turned out Kiki doesn't like Rock music,,,, she was in fact, terrified. 

I think the loud noise & literally, the sound vibrations pounded her heart. (mine too, but that's the fun of it, right?) She was so frightened, she sobbed and stopped a few times. I suggested we go home, and I had assured her it was all right that we leave early. But she says she wants to learn to overcome it. So we stayed until the fireworks.