What happened on Tuesday evening was that I have had a very lousy day at work and was irritable by the time I got home. I wonder why would bosses put up with bad behaviour, bullying behaviour, and absolutely bad working attitudes? Why? Tell me why. Is that staff so indispensable? When a boss lets his / her staff shit on his / her head, I lose respect for the boss. It means weakness. How could you, as a boss complain about that staff's bad behaviour yet at the same time tell me to put up with it? Why? This is nonsense.
So I was tired and irritable when I got home.
Kiki was watching TV. I asked how her day was, whether she did her piano & violin practices, and if she revised the Chinese spellings; all which she hadn't done. She asked if I could fetch her a cup of water because she was feeling thirsty. And I snapped. I said- You should be bringing me a cup of water, say- "Hey Mama, how was your day? Here's a cup of water for you." and I went on about how she didn't do her practices and that she should fetch me a drink because I'm her mother.
So I left to the shower in a huff.
When I emerged cooler, came out from my bedroom, Kiki signaled to me, pointed her index to the cup of water waiting for me. She gestured with her head tilted and rolled her eyes toward the cup of water, gesturing to me to look at the cup.
Oh. How ashamed I felt. I wanted to cry. Sorry, baby. I am not usually like this. Really.
So I sat myself down, had a sip from the cartoon print, babyish cup, oh how sweet it tasted.
It was the sweetest tasting plain water I've ever drank.
I am imperfect, I lack compassion sometimes (being too hard-hearted), but I do need to connect; with my children at least, and I acknowledge that I'm vulnerable; and it's actually necessary to be vulnerable because Life, for me is surely imperfect.
I need to transmute my bad energy into positive ones. Transmute. Transmute.
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