Okay, so I get to do at least one entry about how I feel over the episode of my sis' annulled marriage right? From the time they've dated (2012) till now that they've ended (2018) I reserve the right to express my grief over this, given the level of complexity I've felt. I need to say something in order to process and leave this in the pensive bowl. It is over and the sun will still rise tomorrow but the hurt has to wane, we can't go around with an injury, it is not healthy.
From the time they were dating, I had a dream episode. I do not know why, I do not ask for these but it has become clear to me now, the fact that I get epic dreams that may have been messages or warnings, alas I am not really equipped to interpret my dreams. Worse still, I interpret them wrongly.
But I also do not wish to be too entangled with mystics, we still are here in the flesh aren't we? So, live it. So, long story short-- In my dream (that was in 2012) a gang of gangsters had kidnapped my sis. Me and her then BF were frantically running around town, like in a treasure hunt over the island, getting hidden messages left by the kidnappers, clues and quiz to solve in order to get nearer to the location where she was being held. Time was running out and we were desperate, we decided to hunt separately. Finally, the kidnappers gave me another clue, I reassembled with her BF and told him the clue. He was very calm and said to me that "he knows what to do". Shortly after, I found my sis but she was inconsolable, crying until her body dropped to the floor. It appeared that her BF had jumped off the building as the message was for him to pay his debts by death, in exchange for the release of my sis. (end of dream). I woke up exhausted, shocked, and very confused. I had thought that the message was "self-sacrifice", which I took it as a message to say that he would do "anything" for her. (OMG, in real life, I couldn't be more wrong! gosh, the only time he called me up on the phone was to have me influence my sis to part with him, he said if not, he might throw her out from the windows of their flat, along with himself. He made that threat twice during the phone conversation. There is no mistake about it, that was why I evacuated my sis that same night. I could not risk a threat that had been emphasized.) So I guess the dream message was telling me about the distraught part. About her going through the loss and distraught. Anyway, mystics aside, we still have to go through this, won't we?
So anyway, I don't wish to revisit the hurt, I am trying to find a way to carry on, hopefully without any post traumatic stress disorder. So anyway, finally today I had another realization. The marriage was like a "false positive" pregnancy. So that's also a little sad but at least when I see it clinically, the hurt could be transferred. Then came another realization. It's also like "Blighted Ovum" pregnancy. Having an ovum that attached to the uterus, was beginning to look like a real pregnancy but it did not develop into a fetus. The removal of the ovum or purging (miscarriage) is painful.
So, if I look at it this way, I think we can start to heal. Because it was not meant to be.
As much as we had all, and I mean all of us, at one point or another, lived that short-live moment.
(watched "The Good Wife" season 7 today)
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