Year of Heartbreak - 2017

Normally, I'll write a year-end closing post. Some kind of reflection for the year that's ending. 

But last year I skipped that because I didn't want to put much attention onto a year's end. I thought to just let it be seamless because it is just another day. But no, my psyche still needs to have starts and ends. If not I might as well be a machine. However, I do not plan what to write, I just type whatever's on my mind. But I try to be mindful to be responsible for the energy I bring to anywhere, including online. But you will have to realize that running thoughts are nothing but running. They come and go, while they are real at real-time, they are dynamic and have lives of their own. It is the same with anything because things are fluid. 

2017 had been a heart-breaking year because my sis and her ex-husband had separated. 

I am not able to talk about it because tears will fill my eyes. Including now as I type. 

Of all the things that had gone right and all the things that had gone awry, I think, mostly things went awry long ago but we had never, in a million years, saw this coming. 

It's like having your last breath knocked out. 

It hurts like hell.

So, whatever the case, we still have to deal with the aftermath. At this point in time, we are in hiding.  We have been in hiding for a few months now. We do not want to break the bad news before CNY as we do not want to deal with responses and questions because I think, we are unable to deal with them. So, for now, we are just laying low and intentionally being absent.

We will do our best to get over this. But it takes time. 

So that is one large part of my life that is in pain. 

Hopefully, our hearts will become whole again. 

On a lighter note, Happy New Year. 

Today is a great day because I have finally cleared my credit bills. 

It's like having checked-out from the drug rehab center, feeling clean but lost. 

Because I will have to start over. 

Little by little, I will have to rebuild my bank account to a level I feel safe. 

To think about it is rather daunting, like an insurmountable goal. 

To plan the stuff I wanna do is also so discouraging. Because it looked like it will take a long while. 

So, I don't wanna think anymore. Well, at least for the time being just take a break, and celebrate that I'm on a clean slate. So, Happy New Year ya. 

So, now, what's brewing?

Nothing much. 

I have finally reached the level where I genuinely care nothing for the antics of office politics. (cross my heart). I see a Circles playing on and while I feel sad for their state of insecurity, I am even more sadden to see that great lengths went into plotting. I do not have the capabilities to affect them positively. So, the only thing left for me to do is to carry on doing my part, for the company, for myself, just stay focused because doing proper work will already take up much energy, so use my energy wisely. 2018 will be a busy year. 

So, my dear friends, I leave you with nothing but good wishes. 

Thanks for sticking it out with me.