2015: Monumentally, two things. Or three.

Before the new year proceed any further, I ought to write something summarizing 2015. 
That's a tradition that normally takes place before the year ends. 


Okay. 2015. Monumentally, two things. Or three. 

My sis is married, and I felt like a mom. 

My grandpa has passed, and I took comfort that he was at peace. 

Oil prices crashed, and it is not within my control, no matter how good I do my job, the market is bleak and our survival is at risk. Some companies folded and some people died (cardiac arrest, presumably due to stress). Despite this oil market tsunami, still I will have to (1) have faith that I will be well taken care of, (2) continue to carry out my work efficiently, (3) stay positive and be pro-active with whatever else we can do. 

Life for me has always been about People and Money. With Money, I live my way of life with the People in my life. I do not have monumental plans to change the world. I only have monumental plans to change myself. Change myself in the areas I suck at, change myself in areas I know I'm wrong in (I have stopped scolding Kiki the F word). It came out one time recently and I was shocked how it rolled off my tongue. It is a form of abuse and it's bad energy. So I made a conscious effort to identify the triggers, and defuse them before I entrap myself in my own frustrations. We often take our bad emotions out on the people closest to us. And that is wrong. 

In 2015, I came face-to-face with Devil, or so I thought. 

There was one night I had a very unusual dream. 

In my dream, I was me in this day and age. (not a man, not any older or younger). 

In my dream, I was forced to kneel down before a Being. I was also either being forced to bow my head or I was too afraid to look up as I had no vision of that Being but its presence was as big as the cave itself. It spoke in a thunderous voice, in a telepathy manner but also audible. When it spoke, the entire cave vibrated and threatened to crumble. I was very confused and I do not know if that Being was God or Devil but as we talked, I think I've thought of him as Devil. That Being was very, very, very angry at me. I was in a situation where I think death was threatening me as a punishment to have evoked such anger. That Being said to me: You. You were never sincere in your apologies, nor do you mean it when you say 'Sorry' and never mean it when you say you would never do it again. Never!  The cave vibrated, everyone (his men) trembled. I also trembled. These words echoed in the cave like the most advanced Dolby surround system there ever was. What can I say? There is nothing I could say to wriggle myself out from a situation like this. After trembling for a few seconds, I took a deep breath. Paused. Took another deep breath in the midst of a brewing tornado, I made a very bold statement: Of course I didn't mean Sorry when I said I'm Sorry; Of course I went to do it all over again when I said I wouldn't. I am a Human Being and I am born to make mistakes. I shouted at him.      Slowly, the storm subsided and he was gone. He didn't even answer me.  I didn't die.  I felt relieved and after five seconds when I gained composure, I even felt that I had triumphed Devil and that Devil was very understanding of me. (And so I thought I was correct to say that Human Being makes mistakes).

It wasn't months later that I realised I have given myself a lame excuse.  Who am I kidding. Of course we are Human and we make mistakes. But those who know their mistakes and continue to find excuses for themselves is the worst of the lot. And that was me.

In 2015, I realised that I was once Miss Colombia. 

As I watched how cocky Miss Colombia was, how she towered over her competitor, how she stood as if she was the winner even before the announcement was made, I concluded that it was no wonder she isn't the rightful Miss Universe. 

I don't watch beauty pageants but Miss Universe 2015 made news over the boo-boo in results announcement and Miss Colombia behaved very badly in the aftermath of the boo-boo. Bad according to me, not according to herself, her President, and her people. She adamantly posted pictures of herself with the crown despite being apologised to over the wrong results announcement. She hoarded the limelight with her displeasure, she expanded herself and took the news away from the real winner. 

After a few days, I reflected on why I was so worked up over something so unimportant to me. You know, whenever you feel strongly about someone, always check upon yourself. After a while, it dawned on me that I was also a sore loser. 

I think it was two years ago, my boss gave me a promotion.  I am not keen in title promotion, I was only keen in monetary promotion. So when the increment wasn't significant, I thought that he had compensated me with additional three days of annual leave. (18 to 21 days, I thought).   Already the annual leave when compared to my old job, is far from the 28 days that I was used to. Plus I use my annual leave to apply for alternate Saturdays off, I am practically left with no leave every year). This had been a sore issue between my boss and I for the last 10 years. When he asked me to join him to set up a new company, I told him I have ONLY ONE REQUEST. That is for a five-day work week. I didn't even talk about salary, I talked about working five days, so you can imagine what that means to me. It was okay for about the first two years but eventually, we were forced to comply to 5.5 work week. So when I received my promotion letter stating 21 days annual leave, of course I was overjoyed and felt deserving. 

My new found joy lasted only over the weekend. The following work day, the HR Manager called and spoke to me in the friendliest manner. She said she had used the wrong template when issuing the letter to me, she said that only the Management and Senior Managers get 21 days of annual leave. She asked me to return my letter to her. 

Since she talked nicely, I talked nicely too. I said no I didn't think it was a mistake. I said that the increment I had is not a lot, so the increased annual leave is making up for it. She got nasty. You would never ever know how fast a person can become nasty in a nano second. She rattled off in raised voice about how only the Management gets that number of days and how I could even compare myself to the Management and that I should compare myself to the Pantry Aunty who gets only seven days of annual leave, than I would feel very happy about my 18 days. (Ya, that kind of thing came out from the mouth of an HR personnel, can you imagine). She asked me to bring the letter to work and she will collect from me the following day. I said- No, you ask my boss (insert name), to come and get the letter from me.  She said- I beg your pardon?  I said- You ask (insert boss' name) to get the letter from me.  She was very high-handed, so I will not back down.  In the end my boss talked to me and I flared up at him. He said why don't he promote me again just to take that three days of leave. I rejected that suggestion because he is always finding an easy solution. 

So until today, the leave entitlement has been a sore issue for me at several levels. 

Until I critised Miss Colombia on what a sore loser she was, that I saw in myself what a sore loser I was. 

It was a learning episode. Learn and move on, Miss Chia.   LOL. Give that girl a crown!

What life takes from you, life will give you more!     Watch out for good things! Keep your eyes peeled on goodness, not badness. Rise above it. Only then, you have Grace. 

In 2015, I am Kiasu no more

Like I've said, suddenly I am not over-preparing everything.   I just hope it's a good thing!


Okay, that's all from me, folks.   I love all of you, and may you be as free as a bird, as kind as Cinderella, as badass as Downey Jr. 

 Listen, smile, agree.  And then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway.