No nothing

I have no pictures to capture what I'm gonna rattle about. 

The weekend was busy and I think marriage for me is a lot of hard work. 

I feel rage filling in. 

They say first you marry the person you love, and then you love the person you marry. 

No matter how I see it, it's a lose-lose situation. That is when I'm unhappy. 

I try to ride over my feelings because sometimes when situation improves, well, it improves. 

So then I would be all centered and am able to maintain my optimal Om. Carry on with my work, the kids, catching up with friends and what-nots. Well, when I feel better, I am inspiring.

My friend XX has a 9kg tumor removed from her abdominal 2 years ago and it came back last year and she had a second surgery. Her doc told her that they would just make her comfortable. Nobody knows what else to say. Last week she was not answering phone calls and not returning texts, so I went to her house to find her. Her helper says she's out for dinner and I can't help but to worry about her.

I met up with Pam last Friday, it's been months since we last chatted. I think it was last May we met up. The next morning she texted to tell me that she thinks I am a wonderful mom, wife, DIL,etc even though I don't think any of it. I think she, is doing a fantastic job as a mom considering she's raising the kid all by herself. She and I are accidental friends. We met at our post grad course and I was very dismissal of her (sorry!). Who on earth carries a teddy bear to class. Wa Lau Eh, I thought to myself, who on earth carries a TEDDY BEAR to class. This is not a pre-school man! Well, that person is her and she kept asking me out every time she tried to make small talks. It's like I had said "no" two dozen times. I mean, I said things like, no I'm not free, no I'm tired, no I have no money kinds of NOs but she never gave up. So when I relented one time, she came to pick me up every time since. And so we became loyal friends and I'm glad we did. We say we should go on a cruise someday. 

Last night I watched "A Beautiful Mind" on cable. A work colleague commented to the wife (Alicia) of mathematician- John Nash, that John is lucky to have her (despite the stress and hardship in dealing with his mental illness), Alicia replied that sometimes she feels angry with god and that they were plain unlucky, but she held on till they were old and pruned, and even helped him overcome his illness and see him receiving the nobel prize. I was thinking to myself- what remarkable strength she has, and so I went to google about them. What the movie didn't show is that they had been married for 6 years, divorced for 38, and remarried in 2001. That would be - the first part of the equation, i.e: marry the person you love. Maybe the second half of the equation was too hard for her. It would have been too hard for anybody. So honestly, in sickness and in health is not for everybody.