How to Talk to Anyone - Leil Lowndes

Yeah, I don't have to throw my books away; I've found a corner at the library where you could leave the books you want to donate, and you could take away whatever books someone else donates *I think you can take them.. It says "read at your convenience". 

Anyway. 

This book is like 11 years old and untouched.
I've made a resolution to at least browse all my old books before throwing them out. I mean, I can't be wasting them right?

I remember I was lamenting to my ex-colleague- Malcolm, that I could never be comfortable networking or socializing. He told me to start by talking to all the Aunties I deal with at the market stall, at the hawker centre, at the cashiers etc. He says just talk about anything, the food, the weather, whatever. But I never get down to doing that. 

So anyway, I've browsed all 92 numbers of tips in that book on how to network. Some are rather lame and insincere but I guess these technique are openers and for sales calls.

Nevertheless, I've walked away with a few good pointers =)
Especially tip #89, I now feel much better ignoring a Dirty Duck!

I also like #26, #38, #78. 

Networking / meeting strangers at a group events:-

1. The Flooding Smile- big, warm responsive smile to flood your face and fill your eyes. do it with a split-second delay.
2. Sticky Eyes- look at the person when having a conversation. after conversation ends, look away slowly and not abruptly. 
3. Epoxy Eyes- no matter who is speaking, keep looking at the person you are building rapport with. 
4. "Hang by your teeth" - Keep a Good posture
5. The Big-Baby pivot- total body turn (to greet), give undivided attention (like to a baby)
6. Hello Old Friend- treat every new acquaintance like a long-lost friend. 
7. Limit the Fidget- let your nose itch, ear tingle, foot prickle. Do not fidget.
8. Hans's Horse Sense- get on a dual track while talking, always watch others' reactions to your topics. 
9. Watch the scene before you make the scene- Visualize yourself chatting comfortably with everyone. Side note: Small-talk Phobia- we are born different; some of our brains have excessive Norepinephrine (chemical cousin of Adrenaline), while others plainly have less or little of it. 
10. Match the Mood- Match your subject's voice tone & mood for a moment. 
11. Prosaic with Passion- Positive demeanor and passionate delivery. 
12. Whatzit- wear or carry something intriguing. 
13. Whoozat- ask the host to make the introduction to the persons you want to meet. 
14. Eavesdrop In- sidle up behind a group, listen and make a flimsy excuse to jump in. 
15. Never the Naked City- talk about your hometown and let them comment about your hometown. 
16. Never the Naked Job- don't give one-word-answer about your occupation. give some delicious facts about your job. 
17. Never the Naked Introduction- when introducing others, introduce topics like their job/hobbies/talent.
18. Be a Word Detective- listen for clues to preferred topic. 
19. the Swiveling Spotlight- imagine a giant spotlight revolving between you & new acquaintance, keep the spotlight on him/her more than on yourself. 
20. Parroting- Repeat the last few words your conversation partner says. 
21.  Encore- encourage your subject to repeat a suitable & an interesting encounter to others.
22. Accentuate the Positive- save your skeletons for yourself. Talk positive.
23. The latest News- don't leave home without it. 
24. What do you do?- Never ask that question on first meeting. Ask instead- How do you spend most of your time?
25. The Nutshell Resume- expand on a one-word-profession, instead say eg: I help people look as young as they feel through cosmetic surgery. 
26. Your Personal Thesaurus- substitute a word a day for two months and you'll be in the verbally elite! 
27. Hold your "Me too!"- Don't be too quick to impress with "Me too!" or you may come across as lonely and hungry for quick connection with a stranger. 
28. Comm-You-nication- Sprinkle your sentences with "you". 
29. The Exclusive Smile- Reserve an especially big, flooding smile for a few; not everyone. 
30. No Cliche- Don't use any cliches. 
31. Use Jawsmith's Jive- Read speakers' books to cull quotations, tickle their funny bones. 
32. Call a Spade a Spade- Simple English can be tasty.
33. Trash the Teasing- Never ever make a joke at anyone else's expense. 
34. It's the Receiver's Ball- Professional football player do not make blind passes. Keep your receiver in mind when you bring out any news. 
35. The Broken Record- when faced with a rude interrogator, just repeat your answer in the same tone.
36. Big Shots Don't Slobber- when chatting with a VIP, don't compliment her work unless it is recent. 
37. Never the Naked Thank You- Never let "Thank You" stand alone. Always thank for something. Eg: Thanks for coming. Thanks for being so understanding. Thanks for your time. 
38. Scramble Therapy- Once a month, Scramble your life. Do something you'd normally not do. Never ask someone for directions while you're at NYC Subway. Why? Because the riders know only two things about the subway: where they get on and where they get off. So don't become one. Don't just know about your hobby. Know a little about others'. One weekend a month, go do something you'd normally won't; go fly a kite, go scuba diving, bird-watching, kayaking, play tennis, bowling, visit a museum, water rafting, whatever. 
39.  Learn a little Jobbledygook- Learn the language or other professions. Eg: Artist talk about "medium", don't as artists to describe their work. Don't ask if they are represented by a gallery. Ask instead- Is there anywhere I might see your work?
40. Baring their Hot Button- ask about their industry's burning concerns. 
41. Read their Rags- read magazines about a variety of activities- golfer, runner, swimmer, surfer, skier, Zen Buddhists and other interests. 
42. Clear "Customs"- before going on foreign soil, read up about their customs, gestures, compliment. 
43. Bluffing for Bargains-learn the lingo before approaching your deal. Eg: If you're planning to buy a diamond ring from shop A, do not go there straight. Go to a competitor shop first,. Learn the lingo and questions to ask; Stones for diamond, Table (top of diamon), Cape (yellow), Inclusions (flaws), Finer (when asking for a better quality stone to compare). 
44. Be a Copycat- imitate your subject's style- big movement? small movements? fast/slow? classy/trashy.
45. Echoing-  use their terms with sensitivity.
46. Potent Imaging- use words related to your listener's interests. eg: "hold water", "sweet spot"
47. Empathizers- "I see what you mean", "That's a lovely thing to say". 
48. Anatomically correct empathizers- see, hear, touch, smell. "I see what you mean", "Sounds great to me", "You have a good grasp of that problem", "The whole idea stinks"
49. The Premature "We"- use "we", "us" and "our". How about you, Betty, as you a sunny person? I hope this good weather keeps up for us so we can go out later this evening. 
50. Instant History- try to create a shared experience so that you could recall it in future. 
51. Grapevine Glory- A compliment is worth more when overheard. (wow)
52. Carrier Pigeon Kudos- Be a carrier pigeon of kind thoughts (not bad news and gossips)
53. Implied Magnificence- Presuppose something positive about them. 
54. Accidental Adulation- Slipping praise into the secondary part of your point. Eg: to your 65 year-old uncle-- "Anyone as fit as you would have zipped up those steps but boy, was I out of breath"
55. Killer Compliment- deliver Killer Compliment in private, make it credible, confer only One killer compliment per half year. 
56. Little Strokes- Nice job!, Well done!, Cool! etc. 
57. The Knee-jerk "Wow!"- You were terrific! 
58. Boomeranging- "That's very kind of you"
59. The Tombstone Game- only to the people who are important in your life, say "I appreciate you"
60. Talking Gestures- be engaging and make your smile sound, your nods noisy. 
61. Name Shower- use their names. 
62. Oh wow, it's you!- when they call, take time to let a smile engulf your face and spill over into your voice. 
63. The Sneaky Screen- If you have to screen your calls, ask your receptionist to put the call on hold before asking for identification to return call at a later time. 
64. Salute the Spouse- always greet the person who is close enough to answer the phone.
65. What Colour is your time? - ask- is this a convenient time for you to talk? (keep it open to return call)
66.  Constantly changing your Outgoing message- no music, no jokes. just change it everyday. need not be flawless, a little cough or stammer gives it reality. 
67. Your 10-second audition- clear your throat. if a voice mail is at the other end, you have 10-seconds to prove you are worthy of a return call. 
68. The Ho-Hum Caper- If you're greeted by the secretary, use "he/she" when referring to your subject. 
69. "I hear your other line"- I hear your other line ringing, do you want me to hold? I hear your dog barking, I hear your baby crying... be extra sensitive to his/her environment. 
70. Instant Replay- record your business conversations and replay them to pick up any subtleties missed. 
71. Munching or Mingling- Never hold food or drink while mingling at a more serious party. Eat prior to networking. 
72. Rubberneck the room - Scan with your eyes like a SWAT team to survey the situation. 
73. Be the Chooser, not the Choosee- Make every party a rehearsal for the big event, explore every face. 
74. Come-Hither Hands- have an open body posture, open palms and wrists. 
75. Tracking- track the details of your conversation partners' lives, track their stardom. 
76. Business card dossier- jot down their hobbies, jokes, favourite movies etc. bring them up next time.
77.  Eyeball Selling- Their eyes will tell you if they are bored or thrilled. 
78. See no bloopers, hear no bloopers- Big winners never gape at another's gaffes. 
79. Lend a helping tongue- when a conversation is being interrupted, fill in where they've left at. 
80. Bare the Buried WIIFM & WIIFY- what's in it for me & for you. Reveal early to avoid being deemed tricky or sly.
81. Let them Savor the Favor- when your subject agrees to doing you a favor, let them dwell on it for a day before following up. 
82. Tit for (wait!) Tat- when someone owes you a favor, do not ask him to pay for it too swiftly. 
83. Parties are for Pratter- Leave tough talk for tougher settings, not at a party. 
84. Dinner's for Dinning- if you have to brainstorm, discuss about the positive side of business during dinner. talk about dreams and desires and leave tough business to another setting. 
85. Chance encounter are for chitchat- Do not capitalize on a chance meeting to sell or negotiate. 
86. Empty their tanks- let them talk first and let them talk all they want before you start. 
87. Echo the Emo- the only way to calm an angry customer is to echo his emotions, pain and aggravation. 
88. My Goof, your Gain- when you make a mistake, correct it and make an additional compensation. 
89. Leave an Escape Hatch- Whenever you catch someone lying, filching, exaggerating, distorting, or deceiving, don't confront the Dirty Duck directly. Unless it is your responsibility to catch or correct the culprit, or unless you are saving other innocent victims by doing so-- let the transgressor out of your trap with his tricky puss in one piece. Then resolve never to gaze upon it (them) again. 
90. Buttercups for their Boss- be friendly to bosses.
91. Lead the Listeners- be fast to applaud or publicly commend the man or woman you agree with. 
92. The Great Scorecard in the Sky- Any two people have an invisible scorecard hovering above their heads. The numbers continually fluctuate, so keep an eye on it.